Living a double life, with a sense of emptiness. The warbled lyrics of 'the longer you live, the more lonesome you become' finally resonates within me. Recent developments have left me feeling subdued. It's been ages since I last saw my friends. University classmates from Beijing, whom I've known for 11 years, are all preoccupied with their individual pursuits. Some have taken leave to care for their newborns, while others have been busy with job hunting. I've lost touch with many of them. Similar is the case with my romantic relationships. I've stuck to the principle of 'settling down with a partner after being financially stable', fearing that the other person would have to bear the burden. As I'm still single, I've started to feel the pangs of loneliness. It's as though I'm the only one still playing games, caught in a cycle of uncertainty. Family life has taken a toll on me as well. As the sole child, my parents are often confused about hospital procedures. I've had to take on the responsibility of managing their health, often finding myself exhausted from the constant stream of paperwork and hospital visits. The once-relaxing hospital corridors now feel like a maze, with confusing signs and endless rows of creaky old seating areas. It's as though I'm caught in a never-ending cycle of diagnosis, medication, and the possibility of being transferred to a different facility. The thought of winter is terrifying, the emptiness is suffocating, leaving me feeling anxious and helpless.